Has the world of woke made folk happier, when did we lst hear a decent joke
Come on Paul tell the joke
picked up a hitchhiker today. After a few miles he asked me if I wasn’t afraid that he was a serial killer on the run. I told him that the chances of 2 serial killers on the run in the same car are extremely unlikely
my wife said if you are bored why not make a bird table. Now she is kicking off because I put her in 5th place
Did you hear about the invisible man who married an invisible women?
Their children were nothing much to look at.
CityA.M.'s headline this afternoon ''Tit for tat: Ann Summers launches CVA following rent dispute during pandemic ''
I tried to warn my friend about the dangers of Russian roulette...
But it went in one ear and out the other.
Man wakes up in hospital after a terrible motorcycle accident, the doctor says
"i've got good news and bad news...
the bad news is we had to amputate both your legs.
but the good news is, the guy in the next bed wants to buy your slippers."
George Best goes to see his doctor. The doctor says, 'Do you want the good news first or the bad news?'
'Oh Christ, give me the bad news.'
'You have only got one hour to live'.
'That's terrible. What's the good news?'
'It's happy hour.'
An economist, an astrologer and a clairvoyant walked into a bar. The barman asked "What do you want?" They replied in unison, "We don't know".
But the evening is saved; as a politician follows them in, and tells them exactly what they want the most.
How many ears does Captain Kirk have?
Three. Left ear, right ear and the final front ear.
Voted the best top 10 Christmas cracker jokes for 2020 (Dominic Cummings joke was judged to be the best but in reverse order starting @ No:10, is) -
10. Which Christmas film was 30 years ahead of its time?
- Home Alone.
9. What do the Trumps do for Christmas?
- They put on a Super Spread.
8. Why can’t Boris Johnson make his Christmas cake until the last minute?
- He doesn’t know how many tiers it should have.
7. Why couldn’t Mary and Joseph join their work conference call?
- Because there was no Zoom at the inn.
6. Why is it best to think of 2020 like a panto?
- Because eventually, it’s behind you.
5. Why did the pirates have to go into lockdown?
- Because the “Arrrr!” rate had risen.
4. Why are Santa’s reindeer allowed to travel on Christmas Eve?
- They have herd immunity.
3. Why didn’t Mary and Joseph make it to Bethlehem?
- All Virgin flights were cancelled.
2. Did you hear that production was down at Santa’s workshop?
- Many of his workers have had to Elf isolate!
1. What's Dominic Cummings favourite Christmas song?
- Driving home for Christmas.
Breaking News: The whole of Cornwall has been placed into tier 4 lockdown after hundreds of pirates returned home to Penzance to celebrate Christmas with their families.
Apparently the Arrrrr rate has increased dramatically.
Merry Xmas everyone!
That used to be: How many ears does Davy Crocket have?
Three. A left ear, a right ear and a wild front ear.
Blimey - I now have a Davy Crockett ear worm! Possibly the first '45' (google it kids) I ever owned.
Aha the video I thought I had inserted did not appear so here is a link.
All together now!
