A bit of fun and only a starter document - please add your own via comments.
Progressive dividend policy
What it really means: "we want to be able to do what we want with the levels of dividend instead of tying it to a proportion of earnings"
Revenue is to be second half weighted
What it really means: "look out for an imminent profit warning"
Reviewing our capital structure 1
"We are about to issue a load of new shares to institutional holders at a massive discount"
Reviewing our capital structure 2
"We are about to issue a load of bonds to institutional holders at a ridiculously high interest rate"
The ceo/cfo is leaving to pursue other interests (non specific)
"Bad news is on its way"
The cfo is leaving after a short period of time in the role
"Very bad news is on its way"
The ceo is leaving after many years in charge and the company is riding high
"Blimey I never thought this company would do so well - if I get out now I'll look like a super hero - and next year is going to be dire"
The retail rollout is going very well (no like for like figures offered on longer held sites)
"If we keep adding new sites we'll be able to hide the fact that the existing ones aren't growing at all"
We have a really strong balance sheet
"We really want you to believe that we have a really strong balance sheet and if you ignore all the bad stuff it is really strong."
We have plenty of headroom and are not likely to breach any of our banking covenants
"There's a chance we'll run out of cash pretty soon unless something changes"
Banks are being very supportive and discussions are ongoing
"The banks are likely to pull the plug any time"
“Our revenues are ahead of expectations and EBITDA figures are likely to be turning positive in the current trading period”
We’re trying to buy market share by slashing our margins and making some dodgy acquisitions so expect further losses at a Net Profit level after we write down goodwill and pay our acquisition funding costs.
Gus.
